People ask me how I'm feeling during my first week at work and it's hard to describe. I want to say something meaningful about this

vs. this.

But I'm a bit in shock. It's hard to find the quick summary. It's hard to boil it down without over boiling it.

It will be an adjustment, a friend said a while ago, so give yourself time to adjust.

Today Daddy took Luke to the zoo while I worked (and I do get to work from home most of the time). It's a sunny winter day and they had a great time. I got some reading done. I enjoyed the quiet & structure. After nap we played a lot. Then I cooked a lot. A pretty good version of this new life today.

Now it's the weekend. I need to work over the weekend, but it's still nice to have finished a work week. One day at a time. I'm still trying to figure it all out, including how I feel about it. Which another wise friend advised me to not guess ahead about.

Encouragement vs. discouragement. I'm pondering this topic lately. How can I find a way to be encouraging that is authentic and engaged? How can I offer encouragement with my voice, with my words, gestures? How does it feel to be encouraged? How does it feel to be discouraged? How can I offer encouragement that also feels respectful and connecting (not manipulative or dismissive)?

Where have I been missing encouragement and how does that show up in my life? When I cannot offer it, when I fail, how can I notice and accept that (which is, in itself, encouraging)? What support do I need in my life to offer this support to others?

How does each person in my life uniquely need my encouragement?

It's a simple thing to offer. Quiet and straight forward. Joyful. But it is not always easy. Why does it get obscured?

I've scanned and dipped into a couple parenting books in the last six months that talk about encouragement but it didn't really click with me until lately: What if being encouraging isn't just the please-and-thank-you gravy that supports the other main ideas; what if it's the main idea? Or at least one of the pivot points.

I've been experimenting with saying things like "I know you can do it," genuinely, in the face of stubborn, wearying conflicts like the toothbrushing stand-off. It is sometimes creative and playful. It is sometimes not.

But there are endless other ways. It is maybe the mother of all other good intentions.

You can encourage someone to feel what she feels. Which is not always happy. Which encourages her to be real. Which encourages peace. Which can allow her to feel happy. So there you go.

I have been noticing that with Luke I am often encouraging, and if I'm not, I get back to it easily. That's what it's like with a baby or toddler. There's an encouragement loop you get into with each other. It's a love fest of "yes." It is harder to get that with anyone older, including yourself.

After a moment last year when I was not at all the parent that I wanted to be, I scribbled a hasty note and stuck it on the fridge: "In every calm, caring moment I can start again." I left it up there a long time. Now I realize that it was a note of encouragement.