The last couple weeks have been a difficult as I've tried to make the final decision about a kindergarten for Halina. I went into a stress vortex. Now that the decision has been made, I don't know if I've picked well for her or for the rest of the family. There are pros and cons and I worry about how we will all manage and how it will play out for everyone. Maybe especially for me.

This was the first week of summer break. Yesterday Alicia came over in the afternoon and the girls had fun time playing in a make-shift pool and sharing Pez and dressing up in princess regalia. Today we met up with Maya and Lucia at Fairyland. Maya and Halina rode in ferris wheel together. Halina never would have considered doing that last year. Too terrifying. Today she stepped right into the little cage and looked pleased as it lifted high above us, waving. Luke went nuts wanting to join her and the next time she rode with him. He'll follow her anywhere.

Yesterday I was at the grocery store with Halina and Luke in the cart. They were drumming loudly on the oatmeal container -- and this was a relatively calm moment. I was hurrying to bag some produce before Luke climbed out of the cart or Halina squashed the eggs. A woman came up to me and said, "I was just laughing and thinking you are me about 15 years ago. How old are they?" I told her and she said her son will go off to college for the fall. "I remember being you perfectly," she said. I forced myself to look at her. She didn't look like anything. Someone generic and older who used to be someone's Mommy. "It will all go so quickly," she said, predictably. "It will just fly by."

I know it. I vow to remember this as we spend our days entwined, the kids a blur of screeching, running, whining, crying, wheedling, hugging, laughing, being adorable and unpleasant. Me hearing myself sometimes from a distance  as I bargain, bully, tune out, or -- hopefully -- respond with love. I try to stop and see them. See us. See me. I try to remember it won't last forever, this time with young children.

I looked at this woman in the store and smiled and nodded. I chatted with her while I was thinking, "No. I'm not you." I know that she is right and that I will be. But not yet.

So here I am trying to see it. Trying to see something that is flying right by.