The start of a new school year begins on Wednesday. Seems like everywhere I'm hearing about the anxiety people are having with sending off their new kindergarteners to school. I can relate because last year I was one of those anxious people. This year, I have a weird sense of calm. Weird because I usually take every opportunity to torture myself with time-is-having-its-brutal-way-with-us feelings and the related hand wrenching. Granted, Halina's mixed age school makes it easier -- she's eager to go back to her old classroom and teachers. So that helps. But I also wonder if I'm in some kind of denial.

And it appears that, to some extent, I am. I stumbled upon Halina's kindergarten school picture today. I hadn't ordered when it became available last fall -- but meant to. And today I found the link to it online.

I realize that I fool myself into thinking that my girl is not changing much. Because she is still sweet and familiar. And our daily habits haven't changed hardly at all. But there it is, about 10 months later. No denying.

I think I tend to "see" her as a bit older than she is. When I look at old photos, it's obvious I'm looking at a very young child. I need to keep it in mind now, too. Just more evidence that we can stop seeing people really. We see our habitual idea of them. That's one reason I appreciate blogging and using photos in my posts. It's a way to see from different angles. To see again.

I do feel sad. I also feel proud of Halina for the how she's growing and who she's becoming, and I am enjoying her so much as she gets older (and more grounded and sure and a partner for real belly laughs), and that helps temper the sadness a little.